When I ran an interval workout on treadmill yesterday, I quickly encountered some unusual happenings. 0.12 miles into my warmup, the machine advised me "This treadmill does not recognize anyone on the machine." I decided to take it as a compliment and replied "Thank you -- that is quite nice of you! I've actually lost 15 pounds since my return to running in February, but I still have 10 pounds to go, and really -- I'm no waif yet." 0.06 miles later, the machine promptly shut down on me. Cranking back up got me to 0.11 miles before the machine refused to acknowledge my very existence. I decided its' problem with being ignored need to be addressed directly. My inquiry of "Tell me, have you met God yet?" was met with another abrupt and complete shutdown. My third attempt produced some momentary hope as the machine advised me that it would, in fact, keep running for me if I pressed its magic button (the "enter" button.....how appropriate, I thought). "I'm a guy -- no problem!" But the enter button proved to be as elusive a concept as the "G" spot and I was shutdown a third, and for me, final time. I mean, I know when to cut my losses and move on damn it.
On a new machine, I got in my 7 mile workout that included 12 quarter mile intervals in three sets of 4 x 9:00, 4 x 8:30, and 4 x 8:00's (which proved to be a lot harder than I would have liked).
As I left the gym, I couldn't resist a parting shot, so as I passed the front desk I inquired "When -- exactly -- did my old high school girlfriend turn into a treadmill, and what the hell is she doing here?" -- Bill
2 comments:
Bill,
Obviously, your girlfriend aka treadmill just doesn't know when you have entered. Try moving around next time or at least talk dirty to her/it!
Yours is the entry of the year, so far!
This is hilarious, but it really sounds like a bad dream to me. Look for evidence you actually were at the gym - check the gym's website for workout dates, ask Lucy if she noticed you were gone from the house during that time, etc.
Even if you weren't there, I'd count the 7-mile workout anyway. A bad dream's gotta be worth something.
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